I feel so ashamed

I’ve recently just admitted to myself I have a problem because I pull from my scalp and it’s so bad what with being at home all day during lockdown.
I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like people will judge me because I’m almost 30 and should “know better”

I just need someone to talk to


  • Hey there Bwstop

    Well done for coming forward and admitting this is something you do. It is such a hard move to own up and say look, this is hard. I don't know how to stop this and I welcome support.

    We are a great little support group and everyone here understands. You've just met your new family. We may be a little strange sometimes, but isn't everyone? We will be here for you whenever you need us.

    All of us have really faced a challenging time with lockdown. Some have pulled since the virus invaded our planet, some haven't. I managed to stay pull free and hope that you will soon learn the skills that are needed to recover your pull free life. If I can do it you can too.

    As for being almost 30, I pulled right up into my late 30s so please know nobody is judging you but yourself.

    The first skill is to accept you have this condition and it is not a question of not knowing better. You DO know not to pull, you just don't know HOW not to pull. There are lots of tips on https://www.coaching.care/trichotillomania/tips/

    You can do this and we are here for support. I suggest posting on the following discussion daily

    Love and pull freedom

  • Hey bwstop,
    I really understand what you are saying because I have been battling the shame myself too. I've been pulling since I was 14 and here I am at 23 not knowing how to stop and yes I too tell myself that I should know better at this age and be able to stop but it is very hard because you're constantly in a battle with yourself.
    I was 6 days pull free until today I pulled out quite a few from my scalp and realized only 5 mins later. It has become such a habit that it does not strike to me as something out of the ordinary. I was so proud of myself for having gone 6 days but today I am so disappointed in myself but I know that tomorrow is a new day and I will stay stronger and so will you.
    Start small with a goal to do something new everyday or do something that keeps your mood light. Maybe put some music and dance for a while if that helps.
    Do let us know how you progress.
    Lots of love

  • Bwstop,
    I am so glad you are here. No shame here. I'm 43 and still working at remaining pull free all the time. I've had many, many successes in my life and many setbacks. I'm a work in progress and if anyone is judging me at 43, well, they're crazy! Because I'm not weak, I'm really strong! I go through my life fighting urges daily that others don't have to fight. You are strong too, for reaching out. One thing I know at my age...nobody gets through life without a support system. I am back here for support even after believing I know what to do. I do know what to do, I just need some support when it gets hard. For instance, my oldest son just moved onto campus at university...in the midst of covid lockdown. Think I relapsed? Yep. Think that was a failure? Not really. I'm only failing if I give up. Glad you are here.

  • Hi my name is kirsty ans I am new to the group. I been pulling my hair out since I was 10 I am now 27 I stopped when I was 17 until about 18 and started again and I just can't STOP i have tryed everything and I am at the last straw I hardly go out as I feel so embarrassed about my hair I hate it
  • Hey there Kirsty,

    Sorry it took a while to reply. Congratulations for plucking (sorry) up the courage to join us.

    You did really well to stop for a year. You can do more. We're all in the same boat here and more than understand what you are going through. It can be hard to talk about but good on you for opening up.

    My advice - go out once a day, no matter how hard it is, because if you stay in, the pressure to stop pulling is less and it will just get worse. Trust me, I have sooooooooo been there! We all need pressure in our lives and we can help you handle it.

    Love and pull freedom

  • Hey Kirsty,
    Like Neo said, dont put pressure on yourself. You do you one day at a time.
    You did one year without pulling that is such a big achievement and no one can ever take that away from you. You just gotta remind yourself of how you got there because if you did it once you can do it again and this time more victoriously.
    I stopped pulling for a brief period when I was 16-18 I guess but then I fell back into it. Now I'm 23 and only now have I taken the step to help myself get through this effectively. I'm not succeeding in great ways but its one day at a time.
    You got this.

    Lots of love and strength to you

  • Don’t be ashamed it hard to stop , but you can do it .
  • Hi Bwstop, you've gotten a lot of great suggestions here so I'll just re iterate that you're not alone, hope things are better for you!

  • Hey @kirstyc, I said this to someone else but when I was wearing wigs I really wish I had enjoyed it more. You can accessorise with amazing head wraps and try different colours wigs you would never dye your real hair. I always get complements on my hat collection lol people don't know it's so good because I got into buying lots of cool ones when I couldn't hide my hair damage haha. But a nice fashion side effect.

    I wish I hid a lot less as well. Life is still happening and I missed a bunch of it being embarrassed and feeling terrible, you can be beautiful if your mindset allows you to be. Check out some amazing fabric headwraps on eBay there are some really beautiful ones, make a statement with your clothes and you won't look like your are trying to hide anything.

    Also check out some black hair blogs, the women writing those really enjoy changing their hair up with synthetic weaves and lots of things!

    I hope you are doing well and keeping writing in this forum, let us know how you are doing.

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