Newbie intro

Warning of triggers - this is my first post
Well here goes, the final thing advised to do on the first step to pull free. I started pulling at the age of 14 when I found out my mum had schizophrenia, it was a distraction from all the trauma and pain going on around me and I have pulled ever since. I am 43 now. I pick and pull predominantly from my legs, leaving scabs and scars with the ever ending cycle of trapped ingrown hairs which is an ever source of picking out the ingrown hair then pulling that hair with tweezers (using the tweezers to break the skin to get the hair). When particulary stressed out will dig at that tiny black spot of a hair under the skin till I have made a small hole digging for it , awful but true! I also pull from my bikini line , underarms, nose, fingers and toes , pretty much everywhwere except on my head and eyelashes!!!!!! I did do my eyelashes for a few months many years ago and small patch on the front of my hairline in my early twenties but managed to not carry on with that making my eyelids sore or colouring in the bald patch on my hair line so grateful for that. Yet find the state of my legs embarressing. I found myself pulling on Sunday night and couldn't be bothered to get a pin so used a blunt badge pin and thought to myself , 'this is ridiculous", after making my legs bleed again, following my initial consultantion with Neo in October . so , I found the payment email and signed up. Also having been highly triggered with covid news, close calls of people nearby getting it and tougher restrictions felt completely over stimulated, On Sunday I could not sleep and have now been off work for 2 days with a bug, I think alot is psychological with a banging headache and tension in my shoulders like hot coal ! So that's me , Hi everyone , I am intrigied how this jouney will unfold , I like to be called "E" many thanks x

Comments

  • Welcome to the website, E

    I was part of the original forums from Trichotillomania Support way back wen and have just found the time to come back now that my children are a bit older.

    Finding out that your mum had schizophrenia seems really traumatic. I do not really know what to say with all that you have been through with this, except that it is possible to be in recovery for many years. I am not even sure what year I stopped pulling now but it was more than 8 years ago, also with Neo's help. I pulled mostly beard hair as well as head, legs, arms etc. My pulling started with a trauma too.

    You can get through and as a team, we can help others.

    Love and pull free vibes to you and anyone reading

  • OMG - excuse me a minute E - Welcome back, Jason and long time no see!!! I will drop you an email.

    Hey E,

    Good to see you. I hope you’re warmer than I am this evening!

    You have been thru a lot, E, but this is the start of your healing journey to pull freedom. We all have total trust in you and know that you can do this. Most importantly, every hair resisted by ONE person makes the whole journey easier for every one. We are constantly gathering research and information from one person to pass on to the next.

    Let’s aim for more enjoyment and less precision - as long as you aren’t at work 😱

    We are definitely going to enjoy the process.

    Have a great weekend.

    Love and pull freedom
    Neo

  • Hello there Newbie E!

    Can I just say that just having the courage to pour your heart out and reveal your deepest secrets in a post/forum is the biggest step anyone can take toward recovery. I am FAR from getting control of my Trich, but since I've joined this forum, I finally feel understood by people who can empathize with my 'pain'. The coaches on here are AMAZING and so supportive. It's been less that a week since my last post (on another discussion string) and I've already had THREE slip-ups :(

    Unfortunately when I pull my scalp hair, it feels as though some mysterious itch has now been scratched and satisfied, but I still crave for more. Reading your experiences about concentrating on a tiny black spec of hair on your legs that needs to come out, reminds me of myself when I was younger and used to pick at my face, squeezing ALL the blackheads or anything even remotely appearing to be 'living' under my skin. Even now, I sometimes find myself using my magnifying mirror to look SUPER CLOSE at my face to see if there is anything that "doesn't belong". I usually don't spend too much time on my face though, because I always get distracted by head hairs that I can see in the mirror that "don't belong" (usually the white ones!).

    But sometimes I visualize (or daydream?) about putting some kind of adhesive tape on my face and having it pull everything out that doesn't belong (including hairs). So strange, but I'm sure it's all part of the addiction.

    I know what you mean about the CoVid stress. I think you folks in the UK have it ten times worse than we do in the US right now, but we're all still basically in the same boat: Waiting & praying for things to get back to 'normal'. Or at least SOMEWHAT normal. The CoVid isolation is killing me and the lack of activities to keep me busy is such a detriment to trying to stay pull-free. I rarely will pull in public, or while in the company of others. It's always when I'm alone, like some kind of shameful binge.

    But the important thing to remember is that we needn't be ashamed any more. We've got friends here to support us through our successes AND failures. Everyone is so understanding and very inspirational. I wish I could go half the days pull-free that these folks do! But even though I fail some days, I still feel better since I started on this forum. I feel more in control and very aware of why and where I pull.

    I wish you the best on your journey and encourage you to share often. We are all with you!!

    Stay Strong,

    SleepySloth

  • Thank you for your messages , I am emerging from christmas activities and generally looking after myself although a few pounds have crept on with this months indulgences . something postive to focus on with cooking from scratch again and loosing a few pounds , having the work place not full of chocolate will help, ironic in a dental practice!!!
    Confession time - after the fantastic advice to freeze my tweezers , I woke up in the middle of the night, wide awake , having noticed the one random black hair that grows on the side of my neck (arrghhhhh) knew something had to be done, I boiled a kettle and defrosted the tweezers !! said hair gone and had a 10 minute pull release but then put them back in the smoothie jar and refroze them! I have found buying a nice electric razor good , including a nose hair remover, (in a snazzy red compact size) rather fun and finding my legs are starting to look abit healthier which is nice to see !
    I hope you all had a nice , yet different christmas, thanks 'SleepySloth' for your insights, I totally get it , we are now looking at going into a new tier 5 but I am keeping a low profile and work giving lateral flow tests for us dental workers twice a week soon, which is nice to feel we are monitored and clear, especially for my shielding Dad. Thank you Jason too , mental health crisis with mum went on for 23 years, till she sadly past in 2017, a release from her tourchuring illness and a start of healing for me .
    Here's to a happy healthy 2021, not sure if I can say pull free just yet , but enjoying alot of freedom already at this early stage , thank you Neo for your support ( Dad was given the book today ) much love to all E xx

  • Hi E and Happy Belated New Year!

    I was rereading some posts tonight and your story about freezing your tweezers made me smile (again). You are Crazy Brave! I can't even imagine getting rid of my tweezers, or making them inaccessible in the house. For now, I still need that safety net, to know they're available, in case I need them. For instance, if my lone wayward black hair should pop out on my chin like it sometimes likes to do! I would be more than willing to blow my 10 DAY PULL FREE streak to remove my Lonely Goat Hair 😉 Some things just need to be done.

    Hope all is well with you all across the 'Pond' and praying everyone is having some awesome pull free days 👍

    Talk soon,

    SleepySloth
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