Where to begin.

Evening,

After stumbling upon this forum after doing some late night googling i realised i already had an account. Past me clearly had the same idea.
I don't really know where to begin or what I'm really searching for. I feel like i am at a point in my life where things have changed for the positive, and there is not much in my life that i can complain about, i feel incredibly lucky to say this especially in the current climate.

Except for one thing; my trich.

So I've been pulling my hair for I think about 9/10 years it started in high school around my exam times and subsequently the death of my grandfather. According to the docs/therapists they think the combination of stress triggered my trich which stemmed from my childhood traumas.

Now at 25 having moved out and started my new job i feel very content and happy but i feel like this is one thing that's holding me back. So i pull from my scalp, i used to pull my lashes years ago but the just magically stopped one day i was hoping it would do the same with my hair, but apparently not.
Im in a very fortunate position to have been able to have an interlace system in place for the past 7 years but coming up to close if not over £15K its not something i want to continue for the rest of my life.
From what i can remember i don't think i have ever had a pull free day. This is something i am longing for. I have tried hypnotherapy which massively helped if anyone has any recommendations for therapists in north west england i would be grateful.
I guess im looking for some guidance, some help, some direction to take a step towards a pull free life.
what helps you to go pull free? or just reduce the amount.
stress is a trigger for me so how do you manage those moments when you can't control the level of stress.

thanks for listening to me waffle on.
i look forward to hearing from some of you.
WE CAN DO THIS x

Comments

  • Hi!

    I'm Yuri and I didn't join too long ago too ( in December). I actually asked for the exact things in my post " new here advice appreciated" which you can check out for ideas. But as a summary I use a scalp massager to itch my scalp instead of my fingers, wear a hat during the whole day (cover all my hair), exercising once every 2 days to release that dopamine, making to do lists for the days to feel more excited to do them and lastly alot of people here have recommended listening to the audios they have here but I never really tried it.

    Also an interesting one I found in this forum is keeping a spoon with you and placing it on the place where you're getting triggered from to reduce the urge ( spoons tend to be cold).

    So welcome here!! I'm certain that you will have a trich free day in no time! Ive been trich free for almost 2 weeks now :)

    ~Yuri
  • Hello Yuri,
    Thats amazing im so glad you've got to two weeks! I Will go and have a look at your post as well, thank you.
    That spoon idea is very interesting I've not heard of that one before so will definitely try that.
    In terms of a scalp massager i wear an interlace system so there is only limited places i can reach on my head (the whole point) so i tend to focus on the perimeters of my hair line as they are the places i can access, so i don't think that will maybe work. The hat trick i have tried and doesn't really work for me but im considering giving it a go again as i haven't tried in a long while.

    Thank you for your response i appreciate it.
    good luck! I hope to join you on your pull free journey!

  • @br95
    the hat only works when you are motivated enough to change and have enough willpower , ofcourse willpower can only go so much which is why I also started using the massager. For being motivated I used my journal a lot listing out reasons to stop and examining my behaviours and I associated good behaviours with the hat like I wear it and tell myself ok now I can focus on studying because my hair is out of the way and slowly when I started to believe the hat was my saviour it worked. Ofcourse I then relapsed because as I said you can't just use one method to prevent pulling you need to have many layers as backup.

    Maybe alongside trying to not pull also try to get away from the triggers. For example when I look in the mirror I see small hairs coming out and want to pull so I put a post it note that says don't look on the spot of the mirror where I can see my hair and this helped.

    You also need to be consistent you can't let your guard down after a week because the urges will come at you in unexpected times and you always have to be ready, I'd give it 1 month until I stop wearing the hat all the time and even then I'd use my massager often.

    You're welcome I'm so excited for you to finally experience being trich free! I'm sure others will advice you here soon when they are active.

    ~Yuri
  • Hi Yuri,

    You're so right in saying that its all to do with willpower, i totally agree with that. There is no easy fix for this but its all down to our own powers of self control.
    I think thats something you have to really grasp before you can even begin to change because if you don't realise its all down to your willpower and self control you'll never be able to fully implement that aspect and its a loosing battle.

    My mental health is definitely the best its ever been so im hoping this is a point where i can give all my mental strength to over coming this. It helps being able to talk to people who understand exactly where you're coming from. I know family and friends try to understand but there is no one on this planet who could understand it unless they've been through it.

    Ive dug out my old fidget cube and twiddle band which are massive helps. Im that type of person who's always fiddling with something clicking the back of the battery case on the remote or snapping my phone case on and off and really irritating everyone in the room. So im glad I've managed to find them because they really ease my mind and take away the overwhelming side of urges.
    If you're a person who loves to click stuff like pens then i definitely suggest a fidget cube with clicking elements!

    Hope youre having a great day!

  • @br95 I wish you all the best on your journey! And yes you're right no one else can really understand and sometimes it hurts and makes us question our own behaviour like what is wrong with me but I've learnt to let go of that.

    You can use this forum to account for yourself although for me I use this forum to look for advice and give back :) it would be cool if you would update here !

    ~ Yuri
  • Hi, everyone! Just reading through this thread now.... when my hair pulling felt uncontrollable from my scalp, I thought about wearing a hat like when I'm in my room let's say, alone, or sometimes when the short hairs on top start showing up a hat is something good to have around just in case. Maybe I'll try that, but not sure if I will cuz don't want my Mom asking me why I would be wearing one. I don't share with her any methods that I use to stop pulling, we don't discuss my trich.... wish I can be more open about it with her....
  • Hey @R2021 , I very much empathize with you about being anxious when trying new methods because of my mom noticing and asking me about it, but over the years she stopped asking I guess because of how many times I failed with the methods :/ but it's better now I don't feel as anxious.

    For now you can try wearing it only when you're alone and as soon as your mom shows up or you go out of your room in a place with people just take it off. A hat has definitely helped me be pull free for atleast more than 3 weeks so you should definitely give it a go, but try to kind of reprogram your mind at the same time as wearing a hat, which could be difficult because you're not exposed to your triggers as often but try and reprogram your mind in other aspects of your life and it should affect the rest of your habits too. For example take a shower in cold water, push yourself an extra hour when studying or working, push yourself an extra 5-10 minutes when exercising, just push your limits in every thing you put time into because that'll help your self discipline which will inturn benefit your pull free journey! :3

    I have experienced only wearing the hat as a stop and even after a month of pull free as soon as I took off that hat I didn't last 3 days because of my lack of self discipline. Good luck I hope I helped in some way ❤️

    ~Yuri
  • Hi, Yuri! Thanks for your encouragement. I went about two weeks being pull free and today I gave in. Feeling really low now and urges for sure just get harder once you pull. I have so many different thoughts and feelings going through me right now. Fear, anxiety for the future and disappointment in myself. It feels soooo comforting to pull, feels sooooo good but the comfort only lasts while I'm in the moment till I go look in the mirror and see the damage I have done :(

    I haven't pulled yet since I started coaching so that first eyelash I pulled today was super devastating :( and then I just continued and continued. I'm always so nervous someone will notice my spaces I have. At least eyebrows can be covered up!

    I'm so happy I don't feel as alone in this as I used to. Because now I have more support and also finding this website :) and Neo has been so supportive ❤

    Let's just all try to be pull free one day at a time!
    Hope everyone is doing well,
    xxxx
  • Gonna listen to music and journal now and hopefully I will feel a little bit better
    xxxx
  • Hi everyone,

    @Yurisen, I absolutely love the idea about pushing myself in other areas - I never thought of it before and see how it can really push me forward, going o work on incorporating this in my daily activities. You've had some nice stretches of PF, how are you getting on now?

    @R2021 I'm so sorry to hear you've pulled and are having a hard time. Well done for all the days you've been PF so far, it's great work and nobody can take that away from you!! You can become stronger from this by using this point of suffering to help build your toolkit for the future. Try not to beat yourself up coz that will just cause you to pull more, perhaps you can forgive yourself and muster the courage to start going PF again.

    You've taken great steps by journaling and getting music on. Neo often tells me to put music on so there's a different soundtrack playing in my head and I've found that so profound! It really helps a lot getting music of good spirit on, or music with words so my mind follows that rather than the unpleasant thoughts swirling around.

    Sending you all love and PF vibes, YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH - FIND IT!
    xxxxx

  • Joy - thanks so much for your encouragement! It means a lot! I'm just gonna keep fighting, I'm not giving up!
    xxxx
  • @R2021 , no problem for me a trigger was also looking in the mirror and feeling and seeing the damage I've done, so I don't look anymore. As for eyelashes just don't overthink it, you pulled a hair it's okay just change your focus and do something else to forget about it because thinking about it more will make it worse than it actually is. Keep your head up.

    @Joy I'm so glad you're taking my suggestion! Actually I should take my own suggestions more often because sometimes I just brush them under the rug or make excuses like I don't have time to do it when I definitely do.

    As for how I'm doing now, it's been a weird process it's like 3 days pull free and then a huge affect binge on the day after. It's like I'm filling myself up with pulling energy in my pull-free days to pull after the 3 days. It's very disappointing so I'm going back to the hat because the least I can do is grow some of my hair in the gaps back before school starts after 2 weeks, as for self discipline I'm going to start doing as I suggested to you guys again :3 good luck all!!!
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