PF Diary



  • Hi @Ama, I think it's adjusting to this new "normal". And as you say, you haven't been well, plus pregnancy hormones - give yourself a break and focus only on the positives. You're doing so, so well.

  • Hi Ama,

    I hope you are feeling better now and slept well last night. How are things going now?

    Your feeling about being over 7 weeks pull free and feeling "off" is a very normal and understandable one. Nothing is wrong with you.

    Imagine an alcoholic who is 7 weeks free of the booze - you wouldn't expect them to be on top form yet. When they stop drinking, that's when the problems START, not when they stop. At this point, Ama, you have to learn a whole new life, without that remarkable mechanism of switching off your thoughts to focus only on eyelashes.

    You will be ok, just keep coming back here and letting us know how you feel. You need healthy outlets and plenty of things to look forward to in the calendar.

    You're doing great.

    Love and pull freedom

  • Hi both, thanks for checking in. Makes me feel like I'm not alone.

    Lots has happened! We finally exchanged on the house after a bunch of faff over the last week and will move on 10th Dec. Excited but also stressed!

    I'm 34 weeks pregnant now and it's kicking my butt! Am low on energy, tired and can't walk without having the urge to wee. Also got a 3y old to run after but hubby has been amazing in helping out as much as possible. Can't wait for this baby to come lol. As am having an elective C again worries have started creeping up about that too.

    Pulling urges have been on and off. Yesterday had a couple lash hairs come loose, one from bottom left and another from upper right. Freaked me out tbh but considering I started this off with bald eyelids guess it kinda makes sense? No idea what the lifespan is for hairs, just worried everything will fall off at once now. What a way to get to day 60!

    Was originally going to do something but too exhausted, just want to try and focus on leaving brows and lashes alone.
  • These last few weeks are the hardest when you're pregnant. I act like a stroppy, foot-stomping child from 32 weeks. Let it be over already!

    You've got so much going on at the moment and you're still doing great. New home, new baby, new lashes, and a new year on the horizon. It is stressful, but there's so much to look forward to in there!

  • Well, I blew it today! Pulled out two lashes on each eye.

    Reason being my dog was taken ill yesterday and diagnosed with liver cancer. Was crying all day yesterday while they were doing scans and was faced with either letting them operate or saying goodbye today. Had an anxiety attack last night as couldn't cope with it all, dog, moving house, having baby, all in the span of a month. So today, I pulled.

    Currently they're operating as scan came back with best possible outcome for surgery so waiting to hear if all went well. Fingers 🤞!

    I don't know what I'll do, but don't want to let this blip ruin all the progress so far. Will take a few days, see what happens and start again when I'm ready.
  • Learn from it, talk to your self like you would to a friend, and then move on. Keep going. You got this.

    Sending lots of well wishes to doglet <3

  • Hey Ama, I'm sorry to hear about your pup. Stress is such a huge trigger, watching a death was my cause of relapse a while back. It happens, but remember you're never starting from the very beginning again, you've come a lot further than before. Just keep going, you can do it. xx

  • Oh Ama, what a horrible series of events!!! I can only imagine how awful it must feel, with everything crashing down on you at once. Please remember you are not alone. It really CAN just be a blip and you can get right back on track.

    Blessings and love.

    We are all here to support you and to listen.

    Love and pull freedom

  • AmaAma
    edited December 2021
    Thanks everyone for your support, it really warmed my heart reading your encouraging words.

    Dog is at home since last Friday, had to go back in over the weekend as was vomiting but is now almost back to his normal self. Still has to rest but good luck with that!

    Ppl are packing up the house today and we're moving tomorrow. I'm currently hiding away in the bedroom with the animals.

    Also I'm booked in for 30th to deliver the baby. Will be in hospital over New Year.

    What a massive roller coaster it has been but hopefully things will end well.

    As for pulling I've been having a week, didn't ruin the progress but took 2 eyebrows and a few more lashes on both eyes. Was that familiar feeling of falling back to old habits and just thinking one hair is neither here nor there which turned into 5 before I knew it.

    Have gone back on the wagon yesterday (day 1) and today it's day 2. Fingers crossed nothing else happens as it's already gonna be a month!
  • I'm back!

    Was always meaning to but pulling kept escalating over Xmas holidays as was worried about delivery etc. Had a less than great hospital stay but thankfully all went well and I gave birth to another happy and healthy little girl.

    Unfortunately I took a nosedive into oblivion as kept pulling during nightly feeds as would be up 3 times a night and half asleep keep pulling until I was back to square 0. Coupled with lack of sleep, post delivery ailments and looking after a toddler and a baby I stood no chance really. I tried stopping but wouldn't last a day so stayed away as didn't want to face you.

    I've now managed 3 days so hoping to get back on it and resume my regular reporting. It's what helped me last time so here's hoping I can do it again!
  • Welcome back @Ama and congratulations!

    Tiredness can wreak havoc on our urges to pull and there's nothing quite like the tiredness that a new baby brings. Well done for 3 days pull free - how are you doing now?

  • Hi Michelle!

    Happy to say am still PF, 8 days today if all goes well. Been worrying though as we all had a cough in the last few weeks. It isn't Covid but hubby has been referred for a chest scan as after 2 weeks his hasn't gotten better. Doctor listened etc. and said all sounds good so just want to be sure.

    Me being me has started worrying and catastrophising. I lost my mom to the big C so can't even think the thought. It's good they're making sure it's just a chest infection and he isn't worried as we all got it around same time so wasn't sudden but's difficult not dwelling on it.
  • Hey Ama,

    I can understand that, my brain does similar! It is good that they're taking it seriously but that in itself can make you worry, even though they're just being safe!

    Are you rewarding yourself for your PF milestones??

  • Completed day 13 just now, almost 2 weeks there. You can kind of say that, last time I got some new make-up but then took a few steps backwards.

    My reward is that the more hair grows back the more fun it is to put make-up on and I'm not as self-conscious the longer I am PF.
    After lockdown and all I'll take every chance I can get but this is still early stages.

    It baffles me that it can be so hard to stop when you're in the middle of it, then suddenly it takes off. What I need to try and avoid is when I get plunged backwards again to not let it get out of hand. That's where I'm struggling.
  • Hi Ama

    Sorry to hear that you were struggling. How are you doing now? I hope things have improved. I won't always be able to reply as I am so busy with those in coaching. I know it can be tough in the very early days. I'm so grateful to the person I was in 2002, who did all the hard work for me. Yes it is hard and ABSOLUTELY it is worth it.

    It goes through stages - often 2 week cycles, and making yourself a reward chart to get you to one month will be helpful.

    The hair itself isn't a good reward - that reward works for YOU as an Adult but we want to be rewarding your Inner Child for not pulling. I hope that makes sense. Relapse Prevention is a complex subject and beyond the scope of the forums.

    People tend to treat it as a habit rather than a condition and then get annoyed with themselves that they slip up. Can you instead view slip-ups as part of the process and aim to beat your own personal best each time?

    Love and pull freedom

  • How are you doing @Ama?

  • Am on day 20 today, still not experiencing any major urges. Just a habit to touch every now and again but catch myself fairly quickly.

    Last time I pulled everything out, there wasn't a SINGLE hair that gave me 'the kick' I usually pull for, just kept pulling as once I start after not pulling for a while it's beyond difficult to stop. Almost have to hit rock bottom before trying to pull myself up again.

    Remember last time I was daydreaming about pulling but again nothing this time, so little victories. Am not confident enough to say that after almost 30 years of pulling I've grown bored of it. 🤣

    My longest record is 9 months but not even gonna try and look that far ahead. Currently just want to keel the flow going.
  • Day 25 today and I've noticed lately I've started feeling the lashes again. Think had a loose one overnight but couldn't feel it so could have been a head hair.

    Been neglecting my hair lately with the house move and a new baby so am at hairdressers today for some much needed TLC. Then gonna have to try and leave it the heck alone as it's been a substitute while I've tried leaving the lashes and brows alone. Never been a scalp puller but I do braid/play with it a lot which isn't great.

    Hate this bloody condition and whatever neurons aren't working properly in my brain (may have Googled causes of Trich).
  • You're doing great @Ama. What will you treat yourself to at 1 month?

  • Hi Ama

    I am pleased to hear you made it to 25 days, lets get you to 29 days next ... keep the magic going. You can DO this.

    We're pretty sure that trichotillomania is genetic, so you can stop googling the causes and start focusing on SOLUTIONS.

    Let us know when you hit that 29 day target, Ama.

    Love and pull freedom

  • Day 37 today and it's been a couple of weeks!

    Had lots of stress with the eldest, she had a tummy bug followed by 9 day witholding and no matter how much you try and encourage and explain stuff just won't listen once she gets something in her head. Also I'm trying to help her with selective mutism at nursery as she won't talk to any grown-ups, just other kids.

    On top of everything painter was meant to start that week but got Covid so started today...and forgot his didn't manage to do much. Meanwhile house is a mess as no point cleaning because will have to clean properly after he's finished with each room anyway.

    So's a miracle I managed to stay sane and PF throughout it all. Didn't work well last time when stress came knocking. My hand did go up while feeding baby a few times at night and I did find one of those painful ones which feel sooooo good but managed to remove myself from the temptation before anything happened.

    Still playing around with my hair as didn't manage to wash it cause hubby broke the shower valve so have to wait for him to order a new one and fix it.

    Today, right side of my throat hurts (got a blister on the tonsil) so yeah...

    I completely missed the 1 month reward as honestly had no idea what day it was. Was thinking of getting a brow serum to thicken them up but it's much more fun browsing for stuff to decorate the house with once the painter has done the rooms.
  • Definitely reward yourself @Ama! Look at how much stress life is throwing at you, and you dealt with it. Amazing! It sounds like the last couple of weeks have been just one thing after another. Focus on the things you can control and don't sweat the other stuff.

  • Seems I missed day 50 as today is day 52. Ah well...

    Have had some loose hairs over the past couple of weeks or so, both lashes and brows, maybe one or two, no idea, as trying not to think about it. Lash regrowth looks great, brows still need make-up to touch up as look a bit faded but I know it takes longer for brows to come in so again trying not to think about it as scared that after 30 years of pulling I won't see some hairs again. Doubt it though as the pluckety ones on the bottom which have been plucked the most are coming in whether I want them to or not so taking comfort from that.

    Really gonna have to invest in one of those serums, worked well for me in the past but haven't gotten around to it as been browsing stuff for the house and ordering now that the painters have done a few rooms. They will return next week to finish off.

    Again there are times when I'm feeling the hairs but don't feel the urges as much. Not gonna toot my own horn anytime soon as just looked where it all went wrong last time and it was around day 60. Think the reason it's currently going well is I'm finally starting to feel at home in the new house now that the painting is well underway and can start decorating properly and I generally feel excited.
  • Hope you're keeping busy by having fun with the decorating @Ama! Treat yourself to a serum. It's day 60 today so you've earned it and it may encourage you to stay on track :)

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