I need support

Hello, it's my first time here. My name is Kat, and I'm 14 years old and I keep pulling from the sides of my head. My hair looks so thin now and I've tried telling people but they just laugh and say "just stop then, it's your own fault". I wish I could just stop and I really am trying. My hair is naturally curly and it started with me pulling coarse bits of hair but it's just escalated. I really need support, can anyone help please?


  • Hi Kat,

    Welcome to the forums, and we’ll done for coming on, it’s a big step- and you did it!!😉
    My name’s Lisa, I’ll be 36 next month and have been in therapy through this page, “coaching.care” a little over a year now. I’m an eyelash puller, & when I first joined coaching, I was wearing false lashes as I had barely any. All the new prickly hairs, I’d find by running my finger along my lash line & pulling them. Just talking about it makes me crave that feeling again, I won’t lie. However, my longest PF stint was 70 odd days last year, then 61 this summer and I’m currently on day 65, so even though talking about it, I think “ooh yeah,” there’s a stronger part of me that’s saying, “no Lisa, you don’t do that anymore and you don’t need to do it either. 🙌

    There great support on here, and I’ve been given lots of useful tools to use, fidget spinners (or something to keep in your hands) talking softly and kindly to myself, learning to love me and reassuring myself, “it’s ok.” The biggest one for me, is learning, it’s ok if I pull. I’m still me, I’m still allowed to love and like myself and that I’m allowed to be loved by others.

    I hope this helps a little, and you too can find the support you’re looking for. I started a thread about how you’re feeling. Please feel free to write on it if you can. I pop a note on daily, I find that helps me too.

    Take care, keep in touch.
    Lisa xx
  • Thank you, I feel like I need to learn that it's okay as well. Sometimes I think I don't have the strength to ever stop completely, but I'll keep trying. I'm going to find something, maybe a fidget cube? Thanks for the help, I'll check out the thread! :)
  • It is tricky Kat, I guess it’s in the title!
    I slipped up yesterday, but have been super kind to myself today- was putting too much pressure on myself to get LOADS of things done. I called my sister up today in tears, and she said, go take a walk and really focus on what’s around you, something my coach tells me to do too. Just keep telling yourself, “you’re ok & you can do this” We all can. Take care. X
  • Hi Kat,

    How are you getting on? I had a bad day today, lots of emotions and so scheduled an “urgent” Skype with my coach. I was so greatful to chat to her, but even said that I was proud of me for doing it. Although I’d reached out to others, I needed some trich support (only a trickster can offer this.) I pulled yesterday 5 in total, and on top if the last few days, felt like a complete failure. What my lovely coach reminded me was, was that I wasn’t a failiure, the condition is and that’s what caused it, not me. Also, how far I’ve come with the pulling.
    I set myself a goal to remain PF for an hour then 2hrs then 4 and so on. I said to myself if I got through today PF, then I’d treat myself to a magazine, and hey, I got my magazine- feeling super proud.
    Anyway hope you’re doing ok? I just wanted to write and say hi,

    Take care,
    Lise xx
  • Sorry for late replies. I've been doing better. I'm still pulling but not as much as I used to. The main bald patch on my head is actually growing back now! I feel like progress is what motivates me to stop. I leave a fidget cube or spinner by my bed (that where I pull the most) it helps for the most part but I still slip up sometimes. It is hard to stop but I'm still trying. I'm going to try bring pull free for the next few days, we'll see how that turns out.
    I'm proud of you for having g the courage to reach out to people, it's never easy. I know after you lose control and pull out your hair, most of the time you feel defeated . I always think ill never be able to stop but I'm trying to get into a new mindset and think 'even stopping myself from pulling one hair is progress' Im proud of you for reaching your goal, thanks for checking in!

  • Hey Kat,

    Lovely to hear from you. Don’t apologise, life gets busy, but WOW, check you out A.M.A.ZI.N.G, keep going, you’re doing brilliantly. Remember your self worth isn’t related to how much hair you have. Also, just a suggestion,but I find rather than saying “I’ll be PF for the next few days, just tell yourself to remain PF in that moment. Maybe then do 1/2 hour, 2 hours etc. It’ll keep you focused, but with a shorter goal. For me, I find it more achievable.

    I’m really proud of me too for reaching out. Family, friends etc. It’s a big step for me, but Soo glad I did.

    Hopefully hear from you soon,
    Take care,
    Lise xx
  • Heyyo, so I didn't pull any hair for about 2 and a half days then I slipped up yesterday and pulled about 20 :( it's okay though, I'm going out with friends today so hopefully that will distract me. I've got this anxiety helper app and I'm starting to use that as a way to cope with my emotions rather than pull.
    Anyway how have you been doing? I just wanted to reach out, hope all is well. X

  • Hi Kat,

    Well done for reaching out. You pulled and that’s how it goes sometimes, but you’re still you and you didn’t pull for 2 1/2 days, we’ll done, brilliant job. My urges are up and down. More so when I’m sat watching tv, so keeping my fidget spinner on me, using my ring, or getting myself up to do something different.
    It’s lovely to hear from you and hope you had a good day with your friends. The app sounds good, and a good distraction technique too.
    Hope you’re looking foreword to Christmas. Take care,
    Lisa xx
  • Hi Kat,

    Just noticed “foreword!” Forward was what it should’ve said!!🤣 Anyway, hope you’re having a lovely Christmas. It’s been busy here with my two children, then seeing family and friends tmrw evening.
    Hope you’re doing well.
    Lisa x
  • I'm not sure if anyone will stumble across this again but it's been a year since I was really at my lowest point. I'm not fully recovered but I rarely pull like I used to. Of course I still have my struggles but recovery is possible and I've really gotten better than I was. I opened up to my mum about it as well which was hard but worth it. I hope everyone is doing well and I'm always here, have a lovely Christmas x
  • Woooooooooow!
    Well done!
    I know just how difficult it is to open up about it, and am so so so proud of you!
    Good for you that you're doing so well, good luck on the rest of your journey!

  • Incredible, I'm so glad to read your update :)

  • @Imadisasterxox I joined in a couple of weeks ago and stumbled across here, it seems you would be my age right now how are you doing??? :)
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