Any advice appreciated for my daughter

My 12 year old daughter has finally admitted to me that she has been pulling out her eyelashes, after me quizzing her about it for about 3 months. She’s always been explained the small gaps by saying they just fell out, or she rubbed her eyes and some came out, and would get so upset if I tried to get her to open up more about it. Anyway, this morning she finally has, amongst lots of tears, saying she does it because they grow straight instead of curled - presumably like she the ones she sees on those with fake eyelashes... I’m not sure if she genuinely believes that reasoning, or if I can get her to admit the compulsion behind it. My husband has been doing this for 30 years, and has never been able to stop - he blames himself entirely for this and has buried his head in the sand. I therefore feel alone in trying to tackle this, but am desperate to help her whilst it’s still relatively early days. Is there any hope of conquering this permanently? Where do I start? Thank you so much to anyone who can help.

Comments

  • Hi Green,
    I think there is a good chance that she genuinely believes that reasoning at her young age. The compulsion to pull for me sometimes is because I am "irritated" with how my lashes grow in, sideways, straight versus curled, down instead of nicely upwards. There is a physical irritation and a mental irritation. Both. Part of the management of trich is to identify the false thoughts you are hearing and then address then with logic and then skill to overcome them. For instance, she will need to convince herself repeatedly that those lashes that are growing in straight...will eventually curl as they grow out...and she can curl them with a gentle lash curler...and that those people she sees on TV are very likely wearing falsies all the time.

    There is help to be had right here on this website. Since your husband already knows this, I will just come right out and say it: if she is already pulling, she won't be able to magically just stop. She will have to come up with the plan of action that helps her along the way. Neo can help with that and she has helped many people with that, at least over the 13 years that I've known her, maybe longer.

    I encourage you to continue along your current thought process to get her help in the early days. If she can learn to redirect her brain impulses before they've made too deep of grooves (from many years of repetition) she will most certainly have hope of conquering this permanently.

    You are such a good mother for seeking help now. My parents buried their heads in the sand and as a result, at 42 years old, I still relapse from time to time. But at least I know there is hope and I have the power to work through it and grow my lashes back in again.

    Wonderful mother you are. Please be encouraged to seek help from a place that actually understands the disorder itself and has a track record of success treating it.

    Blessings,
    Heather

  • Hi Green,

    absolutely there's help available, for your whole family. If you've not seen our trich website, have a look here and get in touch:

    https://www.trichotillomania.co.uk

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