Stop BFRBs – Excuses allow us to stay stuck
“Oh no, oh well, it is a picking day now, I might as well carry on picking and try again tomorrow.”
Familiar statements like “Every time I stop eyelash pulling I just end up relapsing and pulling more out” give you permission to carry on pulling. This type of thought feeds trichotillomania, rather than your own personal BFRB freedom. It is fine to make excuses for what happened in the past, but if you make excuses for what happens NEXT, you’re giving in to thoughts of hopelessness. A person with Trichotillomania is never going to overcome eyelash pulling, if they give in to hopeless thoughts.
One goal accomplished, another goal set makes for positive behavioral control.
Most of us manage to set goals for ourselves, but how many of us actually stick to them? Think back to the beginning of the year, when you may have made a resolution. Did you keep at it? Carefully consider the answer to the next question, and perhaps to post on our forums about this question alone. Was your goal or resolution in line with the person you believe yourself to be?? The people who think they CAN stop BFRBs, do. How patronizing does that sound! You’ve heard so much from so many people who have found their magic key to solving problems. Advertisements for “miracle” weight loss plans and hypnotherapists who can stop you pulling forever if you just listen … but life isn’t always as simple as that and if there were magic or miraculous solutions, there wouldn’t be any people with problems left for these successful corporations to sell their potions to. BFRB freedom isn’t a moment of magic, it is a lifetime of effort and care, but the rewards are a lifetime of ritual freedom and triumph.
Life changes daily, and research shows that tiny changes in one person’s life lead to big changes across the community. Examples of this can be seen in our own Pullfreeathon, where one person managing to resist pulling today, leads to newbies resisting over and over again. It was back in 1996 that I first discovered other people with trichotillomania on the internet, and together with friends and fellow psychology students, decided to unravel the mystery of the disorder. I’m now over 13 years pull free and loving it. I not only identify with what you are going through, I have been through it myself. The wonderful people who work with me all have first-hand experience of STAYING BFRB free.
Mentors are so much more productive than lecturers.
The person who holds your hand as you walk YOUR path to stop BFRBs should be someone who understands how it feels to resist full scale, intense, compulsive urges. Experience is everything. Many factors need to be linked and balanced before pull freedom becomes long-lasting, and you really do need to feel ready to achieve your goal, change your life and put BFRBs FIRMLY behind you. Self reporting sheets can also be used as a Goal Setting Tool so that you can define what you want to achieve and tick it off when you’ve completed it. Most people are very well able to set goals for work, but setting personal goals and making the required preparation to see them through can be much more difficult. We tend to think of our working life as structured, but like a bit more spontaneity in our personal life. Using the website well, you will be able to read , plan, prepare and apply a number of goal setting tips which, when combined, can help you stop BFRBs for the long haul.
Finding a healthy outlet for your feelings will be the real determining factor as to whether you maintain BFRB freedom permanently.