7 Myths About Recovery

1. The addiction or compulsion IS THE PROBLEM

Myth number one is the most paradoxical. An addiction or obsession is a problem, but it isn’t THE problem. Behind that problem are often many more, deeper rooted problems. The problem which needs solving is how the person self-soothes, rather than the negative action. When an alcoholic stops drinking, that is when the problems start, not when they end – the person needs to learn a whole new way of living. In my 20+ years of treating addictions and obsessions, I have found this to be true also, of hair pulling. Myth number 1 is the myth I find hardest to dispel. Once I have helped the person into recovery, like me, I know that is where my hardest work begins, teaching maintenance. Too many people want to leave coaching at the willpower recovery stage. We kid ourselves that we don’t need coaching, we just need to stop drinking or whatever the problem was. The real problem for me (in recovery since 2002) was the way I was bullying myself. The addiction or compulsion isn’t the problem, the condition of the person themselves is the problem. Alcohol isn’t a problem per se, but alcoholism is. The condition is a psychological crutch that we come to associate with relaxation. We kid ourselves that our addiction solves emotional distress, while in fact it makes it a million times worse. Understanding the many arms of addictions makes recovery easier – so that brings us to…

2. It is Hard to Recover from Addictions / Compulsions

Myth number two is simple – in most cases, NOT doing something is easier than doing it. We were all born without the problem action and I’ve never heard of anyone who died while picking their skin – so not doing the obsession or compulsion is your natural state. Some people believe that if they do stop drinking, fighting cravings will take up so much energy that there will be nothing left for living. They will never be able to concentrate. If they stop, they might be miserable forever. I help them to manage the distress in ways which ultimately reduce distress. Previously, some believed that the problem action helped them relax and de-stress. Compulsions didn’t create the stress, but stopping them can release the majority of it.

3. Professionals Do Not Understand

Hmm, maybe those who learned it from a book don’t understand. I learned it the hard way, from 27 years of being in recovery. I stopped in 2002 and started the website to help others do the same. I thought I actually enjoyed my compulsion. One of the questions I most often hear during Q&A is “Why is skin picking so enjoyable?” The answer is also the answer to Myth 4.

4. You Enjoy the Sensation

An itch that comes from the deep, dark hole left from the last time you picked. Picking made you feel good and released some endorphins in your brain, but those chemicals quickly dissipated and coursed through you until now the craving is bigger and sharper and edgier. It is an addiction and it takes commitment to change.

5. Something needs to click before I can be stop doing it

For a great many, there is also an element of “who am I if I don’t perform my problem action?”. A fear bred from their identity having become entwined with the condition after so many years … And that’s the crux of it. Fear. Of letting go.

6. There’s no point stopping because I will just end up doing it

People know they are suffering the consequences of their compulsion, but they fear they will suffer without it too. They are paralyzed into inaction and bury their heads in the sand. “I’ve tried everything and nothing works for me”. The reality is they have not tried everything with full power and attention.

7. There’s something in my past which caused me to do this and when I find out what it is, I will stop.

For a tiny minority of people with obsessions or addiction, a trauma is behind it, but no adult ever needs to worry about their past. Digging up past problems can be very harmful for people with obsessive tendencies. Looking to the past isn’t going to solve anything for the future. You’re normal, you don’t have to be perfect. You’re going through something many other people have been through and recovered from. You can seek out those people and be willing to ask for and ACCEPT help. Lots of people tell me “No-one can help me”, and I always ask them to reframe this to “I can’t let anybody help me.” Once you realise the fear behind the feeling, you can use it as fuel to ask for help and be willing to be guided. Many people think they’re facing more problems than others … You are no more addicted or compelled than anyone else and you CAN be helped.